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At home to you that you distribute all successively dolls got, books, | and later felt-tip pens, perevodilki, scarfs, varezhki, disks, ear-phones... Now at you it is always full of affairs — and almost all not yours. You promise all to all, because after all it is impossible to tell "are not present". As a result of you are in time nothing. You often feel guilty because always there are people who can reproach you with idle talk. From time to time you spit on all and you lay down on a bottom: let those to whom you should, search for you. They search, swear, angry. You wait for the moment to emerge and talk nineteen to the dozen because after all it is necessary to be justified somehow. And then all begins at first...
Why so it has turned out?
Once davnym for a long time when you were absolutely still a crumb, it was possible to adults very firmly vdolbit in your lovely head two false trues. The first: "Mum (the daddy, the grandmother, the teacher, the teacher) knows better. Your personal opinion and your feelings interest nobody". Naive adults hoped, that you will for ever keep belief in them is and only — immutable authority. Probably, they simply did not guess, that everything to that you have learnt in relations with them, remains with you for ever. They have learnt you to obey and not to trust themselves — and you are obedient obeyed at first them, and then almost everyone who will appear nearby. The second false true in execution of the kind adults, wishing to you is exclusively kind, sounded approximately so: " Whether yes you are not enough of that want? Your desires interest nobody ". So these nice people tried to accustom you to thought, what not all in this world depends on you. But you heard not that they wished to tell, and that really spoke. And now own requirements you consider in the latest turn.
Adults who were with you nearby, long convinced you that you in itself are not worthy not only love and admiration, but also even unpretentious liking. And you to deserve though any indulgence from people, it is necessary to please them.
And still many adult people who met to you on a way, and live, not trusting in the feelings, forces, not trusting the reason and including appeasable character the main female virtue.
What occurs in your life?
• You constantly feel fault. Especially, when casually you do that you want.
• You are very easy for persuading, convincing and raspropagandirovat — therefore you not only parents, but also all remarkably operate, to whom not laziness: girlfriends, friends, bojfren-dy, casual fellow travellers in a train, relatives and even sellers in shop.
• it is possible, in the company you have a reputation for the girl who never refuses to guys about what they it have asked. And not because you thirst for it of sexual adventures, simply you have got used, that another's desires it is much more important than yours.
• But also it is probable, that you, on the contrary, very much
skovanna in dialogue with an opposite sex because you can not understand at all where their desires come to an end and you begin.
• You constantly do something for someone and for someone — any can get rid on you of the cares and duties.
• You often enough say lies, because promise too much.
How with it to be?
Learn simple reception: before to agree with someone's offer or opinion, brake and take a time-out. Do not speak "is not present", time it for you so is difficult, but tell: "I should think. Time is necessary to me to answer".
Remember one simple thing: it is impossible to please all. It is not necessary and try. Remember the second simple thing: each live being cares first of all of the interests. You — a live being. And you should care of yourself.
Here one more important vital supervision: people, especially those who likes to shift on trouble-free affairs, very easy concern refusals. But also do not test gratitude to those who always performs for them work. Now give on points.
The first I "want"
Or not the first it is unimportant. Many girls, probably, and you, are lost, when young men start to insist on sex. Especially, when it is a question of first time. Guys — masters to find various arguments, proving, that you should make it. They in detail and well explain to you about that presently it is not accepted to refuse, that all your girlfriends for a long time already, and you still, and, time you do not wish to be engaged with it love, means, you diffident and on the priest at you a cellulitis. And still they can take offence and threaten with rupture. It is all — powder for brains and noodles for your innocent ears.
If still anybody did not speak it to you, know: blackmail — business the last. And the guy who achieves from the girl of sex by means of a phrase: "Differently we will leave you", — is not worthy not that sex, and and a simple sight in its party. Now about other arguments. You after all try to answer somehow them, the truth? But it after all does not add to you desire? You "is not present" in this case does not require explanations and theoretical substantiations. Sex demands the mutual consent of the parties. Also I "do not want" in this case quite sufficient substantiation.
Also do not forget about that the woman pair of millenia all man's whims diligently accustomed to carry out, without dependence from its desire. And the feeling of fault which arises when you refuse to the guy, is greetings from far great-great-grandmothers. It it was recommended to be afraid at first of the father, and then the husband and not to contradict them under any conditions. It, instead of you.
In a related way
You have parents, sisters and brothers, and each of them considers, that by right a sort -
stva can quite give to your the most different commissions. You all time take away someone's documents, work at half price in firm which your aunt operates, and regularly result from a garden of the nephew.
You the Chip and Dejl for all family. All love you, all appreciate also all maintain. It is called "to be the good daughter, sister, the niece and the grand daughter". But it is necessary to you to tell only time, that you are occupied today and cannot take a walk with an uncle's dog as on your head the most insulting charges in egoism, in callousness are strewed, that you do not love the family and the native. Relatives — virtuosos of manipulations with love. Do not allow itself to confuse! Remember: the love to a family and native does not mean full submission of the life to their interests. On light there are a lot of prophetic which for you in one thousand times it is more important, than someone's reports and the dogs left without supervision. For example, your love, your creativity, your career, your study. Your health and your rest, eventually. Help, but not to the detriment of itself. So that it brought to you pleasure.
Friendship friendship
If at you it is full of friends to whom your help, but as soon as at you a problem, it appears is always necessary that there is almost nobody who could incur a part of your cares it means the following: your friends remorselessly use your kindness. And with it it is time to finish. They, the cook and relatives, will terribly be surprised, when for the first time will hear refusal on the next request. And even will become angry, and, maybe, even any insulting words will tell. Among them will get such which will cease to consider you as the friend. It is sad, but the fact: these people maintained you, but were not on friendly terms with you. The same who remain, require not only your non-failure operation, but also in your dialogue. They will get used to your new style of a life and even will start you to respect more.
As the colleague to the colleague
Here where the full open space for activity is given to fans of a freebie! In any collective there is a couple of experts to dump the work on others. You learn them literally on a voice: they like to show to beginners "where at us kitchen and a smoking-room", and in gratitude for their "magnanimity" ask about small service from the list of the official duties. Yes that a sin to conceal: any of us wishes to get rid any tiresome the businessman to the one who is ready to substitute a back. And you, time you so do not like to refuse and feel guilty each time when you do it, it is useful horoshenechko to study, in detail, the list of that you should do, and than can neglect. All the rest is already your personal charity. I do not know, whether it is necessary to you, because, if on work there is time to fulfil another's duties, maybe, it is necessary to change work? Such office obviously long will not stretch.